you thought I was gone!

but I'm not. I just had to wait for my computer to be repaired, and then I got it back, and then I had to do lots of iDLEC things, and then the semester started, and now it's today and all of those things have happened. So I'm back for one final post.

I'm not entirely overjoyed at how things turned out with my project. I got really hung up on the fifth song, and I think it sort of made me question whether or not I really had gotten over my writer's block. Also, I might have felt a little better about it had I recorded it before the month ended (I couldn't really do this because my computer was in the shop).

That said, I do basically have it composed. And I don't love it, but I like it for the most part, and it does add up to five songs I wrote in a month, and that's not so bad. That's something I'm reasonably proud of. Granted, I mostly just like my third and fourth songs - I have a lot of mixed feelings about the first two - but this taught me a lot of things. It showed me a writing process; it reminded me how I'd go about working on a big project again; it got me past the insurmountable block that was starting a new project after TIAMAZ. I think that was probably the biggest thing it did - it got me past this enormous mental block that was coming back from TIAMAZ. I think I've already said this - TIAMAZ was a two-year ladder, and finishing it sent me all the way back to the bottom. And two years is a long time (when you're 19), so it was a VERY big ladder. And this did not get me nearly as high, but it reminded me that I could start climbing again. Maybe that's a cheesy analogy, but it was important.

I will try to record and post a version of Alive at some point, though. It'll be a little bit harder now that Lark's back and I have classes and everything, but I will. And then things will officially be over - for Winter Term, anyway. I do want to pursue this. I think. If only to actually complete a project after TIAMAZ. I also feel like it'll be a lot (or at least a little) easier to keep working on it after I finish first drafts of all of my songs - then I'll have something to edit, rather than something to write from scratch.

Winter Term was an interesting time. I think a lot of good came out of it, but not ALL good things. I got too used to living in a single, and my sleep schedule got a little weird, and I wasn't entirely successful at disciplining myself, and I didn't quite get where I wanted on my project. HOWEVER. I did start back on the ladder; I got more comfortable cooking for myself; I got closer to a few people in the co-op; I started reading a lot more; I started running and rock climbing routinely. Good things happened.

So I guess it evened out. I think it was better than classes. I'm still hugely grateful that I was given this time, that Winter Term exists and is as open-ended as it is and that I got to do this for a month without worrying about school or work or other things. And I am pleased with the progress I made. And I guess it does sound a little bit like I'm trying to convince myself I'm happy with this, and I think I am a little bit. But I also think that I'll feel better about it in a few days or a week, when I'm more settled. This was kind of like a month of limbo, and limbo throws me off more than anything.

So that's where things stand right now. I'll try to post the audio and lyrics and lyrics sheets - all 13 pages of attempts - on here at some point this week. Until then...happy February. Happy Winter Term. Goodbye goodbye.